You know what they say about good intentions...I have great intentions. They rarely lead to great actions, although my doctor put me on new meds which make me a little more hopeful for the short term. I feel like I have been getting a few more things done that have been on my to-do list. It's still slow going. I'd rather read or sleep but I've been forcing myself to attempt productivity.

I typed birthday card letters last week. I wanted to handwrite them but I knew if I did that they would never go out so I typed up letters. I figured since I didn't do holiday cards this year this would be a good substitute. I even participated in zoom calls with three friends last week. I missed the whole zoom meeting revolution. I was busy working while everyone else was doing remote work. I saw my colleagues three nights a week. And though our nurse manager did have one virtual meeting during the initial pandemic, now she expects us in person. And while I do occasionally use FaceTime, I never embraced it. I've gotten a little a better but I am usually not ready for my closeup. In other words, I am perfectly happy with these old fashioned methods of communication like letters.

I am finally actively working on my resume. It takes me forever to do that but I found out there is an opening in the department I want to join so I have an incentive. We'll see what happens. I want to get it off this week. I have a couple of days even though I work tonight and Wednesday night. Thursday I am off to my parents' for the weekend to celebrate my dad's birthday early. I don't have the weekend off any other time this month. I am always happy to see my parents and I don't mind the three hour drive. I'm listening to a Walt Longmire mystery and I will have a week of podcasts so I will be happy. Plus there is always music.

I am gearing up for my trip to Las Vegas to see my nursing school buddy Carly. I can't wait. It isn't that Vegas is my favorite place, though I usually have fun, but I really miss Carly and I want to meet her fiancé and hear about wedding plans and walk all over the place. Eat good food, maybe see a show. It will be cold and I don't have the right clothes but it will still be fun and I could use some fun that isn't in Florida. By the time I go the trip will have been paid for which is even nicer. I'm taking Frontier Airlines which makes me a little nervous but I wanted a non-stop flight. Every time you go down there is a chance you won't go up again!

I have to do my next six week schedule for work. It is such a pain but I want to do it early so I have an opportunity of getting the days I want. I also have to write my next Library Journal review. I am excited about that. I need to get into a rhythm. I have no problem listening to the books but sitting down to put the review to words is often like pulling teeth. Not unlike doing dishes or any other kind of cleaning.

I just finished reading the latest Ace Atkins Robert B Parker Spenser novel. It really amazes me how well Atkins gets Parker's spare writing and dialogue and characters. Parker died in 2010 but thanks to Atkins and the Parker estate the characters didn't have to. Though they are aging, they are still good at what they do. And there was a nice Hawk twist at the end that I hope we get to explore at some point.

I went to my book club last week. It was a lot of fun. I like to women who attend. Bright, friendly, funny. We went to a cool wine bar where you buy a wine card and load it with money and stick it in the machine and it dispenses tastes or full glasses or somewhere in between. Perfect for me, the non-drinker. The food was pretty good, too. I also went to an Eccentricity Foodies meetup. Also good people and good food. Expensive but I don't go that often. I'm usually working.

Which reminds me, if I want to take a nap before work I had better get in the shower which will have the duel benefit of getting me clean and getting me warm. My home is freezing (68 degrees which isn't that cold but I usually keep my place at 73. I can't feel my fingers.)
My goal in 2022 was to journal again after years of being away from it. I had a LiveJournal for years but eventually life got away from me. I want to journal this year as an outlet for my feelings about work, life, etc. It may be a very boring journal. I'm already 14 days late in getting started but trying to go with flow of starting from wherever I am.

So where am I? When I had my LJ I had a fandom that was driving me. An obsession is a better word. Thankfully, that obsession has faded with time. I was an Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter superfan. Even wrote some fanfiction. Stalked Laurell K. Hamilton to signings around the country. Redecorated my house in leopard print. It was one of the great periods of my life. And I made wonderful fandom friends. But it is difficult to keep up that level of momentum. I still read the books, though I am years behind. But I am not active in the fandom.

I hit a new obsession about the same time I hit a major depressive period in my life. I got really turned onto Smallville, particularly the relationship between Clark and Lex and their relationship in the first seasons. This was before the AO3 archive really got going. I can tell you I singlehandedly brought down the servers that were responsible for most of the CLEX fanfiction before it was ported over to AO3. They didn't have enough bandwidth and since I wasn't sleeping for days on end, I was reading fanfiction to the exclusion of all else. Not my best time of life but I read some really good stories.

I would say that that obsession has faded after a decade but it is still my goto fanfiction when I want some feelgood reading.

I have a new obsession these days. Superman & Lois. While I much prefer the MCU to the DCU, S&L is a great family show and gives me all the feels. There isn't a lot of great fanfic yet. Mostly written by people who are desperate for an editor. I'm debating about volunteering.

I'm on my third career. Two years into being a bedside nurse for a large hospital in Orlando, FL. I'm an oncology nurse. I love my patients, they are spectacular people and surprisingly upbeat considering their diagnoses. I am on the medical oncology floor but am spending January on the Bone Marrow Transplant floor. (At least in theory. I am on my 6th day on the fioor. 2 of those days I've been floated either to surgical oncology or back to my own floor because they were desperate for a chemotherapy-certified nurse. Somehow, I am not sure I am getting the point of the one month transfer.)

Even after two years I don't know if I like my job. I am not sure if "like" is the verb I would choose. It is rewarding. I know I am doing a lot more good than I did as a compliance banker at the end. (In the beginning of my career in compliance I did a lot of good and it was very rewarding.) But being a bedside nurse, particularly during COVID, all that I have ever known, is tough. We face staff shortages every day; we're weary, burnt out, and resentful of entitled patients who forget they are in a hospital not a hotel. I'd still rather work with children but I have a little more to learn where I am.

I've been in Orlando for more than 2 years now. It's an interesting place to be if you like Disney. If you don't there is still a lot to do but you have to look harder to find it. I am not as enamored of Disney as I used to be. I don't like crowds and I don't have patience to wait in a line for more than an hour for a ride. I have struggled to make friends here, which isn't surprising. It's harder to meet people anywhere who want new friends once you get to a certain age. But I am trying to put myself out there. It hard when you are a natural introvert.

For now this journal is going to be mostly public. If anyone reads it and has questions, just ask.

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sabriel0405

January 2022

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